I’m getting living room furniture and a bed delivered tomorrow which I’m excited about. This means I’ll be able to finally sleep in my new home. Plus, my first full month of rent will be due on Monday and I just finished revising my car insurance. I have a shoot all day Saturday (Halloween) in Raymondville for Wild in Willacy. Another outdoor shoot and I’m not looking forward to cleaning the cameras afterward since my fingers are numb from all the apartment cleaning I’ve been doing (had to get the fogger smell out). At least it’s not the beach again, especially now that the weather’s kicked up the wind what with fall slapping us in the face this time of year.

I hear Wild in Willacy is a “boot fest”, whatever that means. Sounds like country. I probably wouldn’t typically enjoy the surroundings but I’ll be too occupied to notice, probably. Besides: a gig’s a gig and money is nice to have when there’s bills.

I’m hiring movers to get the piano from the house. Other than that, I’m not bringing that much with me to the apartment: My bed is a twin and too old and too small, I don’t have any furniture (that Mom hasn’t already garage-sold) and everything else (clothes, stuff) will fit in my car and probably in one trip. I’m just waiting on electricity and DSL and everything should be groovy. The official move begins Saturday.

I took a long lunch today (I’d finished all my work) and looked at a few apartments in McAllen and Edinburg, asked around, and basically did a bunch of hunting and asking around. But I’ve settled on a place inside Sugarhill Estates in Edinburg. It’s a nice place, the owner is a good man and the neighbors, I’m told, are quiet enough and there isn’t any vandalism. Plus, the apartment I’d be getting is across the street from the pool, very near the grocery store and university and my favorite barbecue place. The price is right up my alley and I think moving now (before I’m kicked out of my soon to be on the market house) will be better than doing it later. Just get ‘er done, as they say. I’m actually excited about change…for once in my life.

Based on a number of factors including the need to sell the family home, my sister and her husband and two kids moving in temporarily to fix it up, and my need to live my own life my way, I’ve decided to move out from the family home. I’ve lived here my whole life with the family, and for the past two years here alone. I’ve gotten used to living on my own and paying my own bills and I can’t imagine having my privacy and quiet living taken from me as it would be with my sister moving in.

I made a phone call this evening and I’m going to look at my first apartment tomorrow after work. I have good feelings about how quickly and how well things seem to be going in just a few short hours. It also turns out I certainly make enough money to afford a nice, two bedroom apartment in Edinburg and I’m looking forward to the pounds I’ll be losing from all the not eating I’ll be doing.

Still, life is good.

It’s a landmark birthday for me today as I slip-slide straight into the medium size three-oh. I guess that means I’m gonna have to start paying taxes and get a drivers license and worry about insurance and utility bills and not mixing the black socks with the white shirts and….oh, wait: these are all things I do already. So I guess nothing’s changed. My back hurts kinda, though…

So there’s this girl Meagan who waits tables at a restaurant I frequent. We’ve been exchanging glances since I first saw her there: about a month. I finally go to talk to her as the days went on and the guys who worked there assured me she was single. This Monday I finally asked for her number and she gave it to me. She seemed totally interested, likes the same things I like. I told her I’d call her later in the week and we’d go do something. She said fine and that was it. More glances, more smiles. After I get back to work, a co-worker comes in and tells me that she had given me the wrong number and that she had given it to her boss and the boss called the co-worker to give it to me. Wow: she seems very interested, doesn’t she?

I wait until Thursday (just three days, which I hear is appropriate so as not to seem desperate and not potentially freak someone out) and give her a call about an hour after her work closed to see if she’d like to do something over the weekend. No pickup, no return call. I call again later that evening around 9. No pickup, no return call. I try again Friday evening. Same thing. So I call her this morning. I finally get a text message response from her telling me that she was busy with work and school and was “in a relationship right now”. What? Did this magically happen between Monday and Thursday? (Actually they’ve been together a year. Yeah, it’s not ending anytime soon.) And she clarified that it was her boss, not her, who made sure I got the right number. So, she gave me an incorrect number on purpose?

What the hell is wrong with girls?! Why can’t they just say what they’re supposed to say and make things a lot less confusing for all involved. And since when did text messaging become the preferred venue to have important conversations? She even got real defensive and was like, “first of all, it was this guy who made sure you got the right number, not me”. And God forbid if someone will actually discuss these things in a text or phone call or in person or in any way, shape or form since communication and making sure the other person is okay about the whole screwed chance thing isn’t very important to anyone at all anymore. Unless, of course, you’re the one who needs to feel okay about the whole screwed chance thing.

So now I’m listening to Lonely People by America. Yeah, Jason. Wallow in it. And while I’m thinking about it: why is it that all the women who seem interested in me are already married? What’s up with that? Can someone please explain this phenomenon to me? I just don’t get it. God said some of us aren’t meant to marry. Maybe that’s me. But I want a family. Or do I? I don’t know if I’m young enough to start one. I wanted to start having kids around 30. Well, I’m almost 30 and I don’t even know any single girls who want to go out with me. So yeah…that pretty much kills that plan.

Well, fuck me and my singleness, then. I hate this single shit and I’m tired of all the dead ends. Yeah, sure it’s liberating as sin but what are you supposed to do when you come home after a shitty day and there’s no one home to give you a damn hug? When the fuck will I finally get a turn at being the boyfriend…and in a relationship that lasts more than three months? What the hell is so damned screwed up with me that no woman wants to be with me?

What’s so wrong with dating me?! Am I clingy? Do I smell bad?

I have a steady job, I’m artistic, my hobbies win awards, my side jobs keep me creatively balanced, I have lots of free time, I’m loyal and fun and funny. I have my own house, my own car, I’m independent and make my own rules and hours. I’m a good friend and a good listener, I’m up for just about anything. I think I’m a pretty swell guy and don’t mind opening doors for women or splitting a tab. And you know what? I’m not that bad looking, either. So why is it so difficult for me to find someone? Am I not looking in enough places? Do I need to broaden my search?

Maybe it’s because I write all my problems down in a blog.

Holy shit! I won BEST DIRECTOR for FILES!!!!! Aaaaagh!!!

Ok, ok, ok…serious now…

I was awarded Best Director at the W.I.L.D.’s Film Contest at South Texas College for my short film Files, a Bad Apple production in association with Orange Media. Orange also submitted last year’s CineSol winner for Best Actor The End for which I was editor, and this year’s Best Film award winner Finding Cochino for which I was cinematographer, neither of which won at W.I.L.D.’s Film Contest. The fun part was the award was the first to be given, and I was running late so I was unable to receive the award at the time. Good times.

I just got home from the after party celebrating our short film Finding Cochino and its sweep at the 36 Hour Film Race awards ceremony at CineSol Film Festival last night.

We won a total of five awards including a special award they created specifically for Eric Salazar. Here they are:

Best Film – Finding Cochino
Audience Favorite – Finding Cochino
Best Supporting Actor, Male – Eric Salazar
Best Director, Comedy – Edward Cordero
Best Editing – Gibby Ramirez

I’m stoked, man! I didn’t win for cinematography but that’s ok considering we won best film and audience favorite…that pretty much means we all kicked ass. This of course means we’ll need to crank it up again next year, but we’ll be ready.

I decided to cut my hair Friday night but the two electric cutters I tried didn’t work so I threw them to the bathroom floor a few times each until they both shattered. I’m serious and this post is not meant to be funny at all. And tonight, a few minutes ago, I got mad at my iPhone for defaulting to the first web site in its queue rather than the fifth one where I had it last so I punched it and shattered its glass face. I’m now online wondering if the $250 repair tag is worth it or if I should do a DIY fixer…or just upgrade to a 3G. This would be an excuse to upgrade, albeit not a decent one by any measure. Also, the last time I owned a real iPod was the new Nano when it came out. I got angry at something and punched it, too, shattering it. Both that time and this time I saw what I had done, quietly said “oh no” with a lump in my throat and cried wishing I was a better human being than whatever the hell monster I’m becoming.

I’m so lonely and angry that I even put my camera gear in danger when I use it in inhospitable conditions, and I physically lash out at inanimate objects whenever they don’t do precisely what I want them to do all the time, every time. I punch holes in walls and doors and I have a habit of enjoying watching the world burn a little bit more every day. I’m sick and I don’t care. I wish I were a better person. But I’m not. And I don’t think I care. All I know is now when I use my beautiful iPhone for anything, I risk cutting myself on the shattered touch screen. But I deserve it.

Well, I finally got me some disposable income! Smugmug cut a check for my profits I had earned from client purchases on my business’ online store (a year’s worth of income) and I also shot a wedding over the weekend. I decided to do two things: 1. pay off my Discover Card (finally!) and 2. buy Toon Boom Studio and get serious about the animations that are burning a hole in my creativity. So that’s what I did: both of those. Awesome stuff, indeed.